The Lemon of Zelda
by WenisWarrior
Summary: Yeah, Malon's kind of a betch. Lots of unnecessary sex. Link X like a bajillion girls.


**Hello fanfiction community, here's a ridiculous amount of unnecessary sex for all you sick fucks (lmao XD). This is my first story, so any kind of criticism is greatly appreciated. Oh yeah, I don't own anything, except for the stuff I DO own (which isn't much, well actually it's nothing if you don't count the stuff that is mine- which is nothing), but yeah, for cereal, Nintendo owns this and I don't (yet). Now, without anymore bold text, I give you...THE BIG GAY DANCE! Just kidding. Here you go.**

He looked down at himself. He could hardly believe it, but his body was proof. He was in the Temple of Time, in the same spot where he was when he had drawn the Master Sword 7 years ago. Getting used to his long legs, he traversed the floor of the temple and made his way outside.

Outside, Castle Town was bleak and desolate. Buildings everywhere were torn down or smahed. In the distance, he could see Death Mountain, with a foreboding fiery halo surrounding its peak. Link was dismayed to see that where there were once townspeople, there now were redeads roaming the streets.

"Link, let's hurry and get out of here," Navi said before she flew into Link's hat to hide.

Link wasted no time in running out of the town. As he exited the town, he noticed the drawbridge had been broken in two. "Castle town really has fallen into decay, hasn't it?" Navi chimed. Link grunted in agreement before making his way across Hyrule Field. In the distance, he could see Lon Lon Ranch. Talon had always treated him well as a child, and Link also wanted to see a certain girl that he knew lived there. He traveled towards the ranch.

The sun was at its zenith when Link reached the ranch. As he walked inside, he knocked on the door to the ranch house.

When the door opened, he saw a flash of beautiful, vibrant red. He recognized Malon instantly. He also noticed, however, how much she had changed. He had always thought she was pretty, but in his absence, she had developed some very nice curves. Long slender legs rose up and met with her wide hips, and above that, he had to struggle to not stare at her gratuitous chest.

Malon looked at him for a while before her eyes widened. "Fairy Boy! It's been so long! Come in!" She led Link in, chattering to him about how life had changed on the ranch since he was last there. "We've become some of the best horse breeders in Hyrule. The cows and chickens are better than ever, and now that Talon left, the ranch is now run by-"

She was interrupted by the door opening as Ingo strode in. Ignoring Link, he approached Malon, saying, "Just finished milking the cows, and I am horny _as Fuck._" Malon chided him. "Babe, we have company". Ingo glanced at Link, then said, "Meh."

Ingo then grabbed Malon by her waist and ass, and then french kissed her. Malon moaned, "Oh Ingo, fuck me right now!" Ingo then stuck his hand down Malon's skirt.

Link was heartbroken. He had loved Malon since he was a little boy, and now he was horrified to see what was before him. Malon saw the look on his face (she had broken enough hearts to recognize it) and said to him, "Sorry, Fairy Boy, but if you've come to sweep me off my feet, you're a little late, and- mmm," she moaned as Ingo stuck a finger in her. "-Besides, while you were gone, I found a _real_ man," she said while rubbing the growing bulge in Ingo's crotch.

Link couldn't take it anymore. He left out the door and ran out into Hyrule Field, tears streaming down his cheeks. Throughout his journey to come, he would face many trials and uncertainties. However, two things always persevered in his mind. One, that he had to defeat Ganondorf, and two, that he could _never_ trust women, as they would only break his heart.

A few weeks later

"Link, you did it! Ganondorf has been sealed away and you have saved Hyrule!" Link looked at the ecstatic princess before him and modestly smiled. Zelda continued, "But really, though, all this is my fault," she said. "I took your childhood from you and allowed Ganondorf to get the Triforce." She began to look sad. Link cupped her chin in his hand, and brought her face up to meet his reassuring gaze.

What she did next, however, caught him off guard. She lifted her face to meet his lips, and kissed him passionately. He tried to resist, but then he then felt something awaken within him- an old fire rekindled, and he succumbed. He deepened the kiss, forcing his tongue into her mouth. She moaned and put her arms around his neck. Link could barely restrain himself. He lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Hey! Hello! Hey! Look! Listen!" _'Sonofa-!' _he thought. _'Stupid Fairy.'_ He momentarily detached himself from the princess to put his fairy in a bottle. He quickly returned, locking lips with Zelda.

As they parted lips to breathe, she looked into his and saw many conflicting emotions in his eyes. But one was prominent- lust. They kissed again, but this time, she felt a hardening bulge pressing against her nether regions. She began to feel herself get wet, and released her hold on his lips to gulp in air. Link then trailed kisses down her neck, and began to grope her breast. He couldn't get enough of her, and he could feel his length straining against the constraints of his tunic and tights.

_'She's the princess'_, he thought. _'I shouldn't be doing this.'_ But then, as he was having second thoughts, the princess lowered his tights with a delicate hand. His purple headed warrior stood proudly to attention, and as she began to stroke it slowly, he thought, _'Oh, fuck it all,'_ and lifted up her dress.

As she removed the rest of her raiment, he looked at her in all her delicate beauty. He did not look long, however, before he claimed her lips again. Due to his childhood innocence, however, he did not know exactly what to do next. _'I have a fairy that tells me how to defeat the king of evil and she never tells me any important stuff,'_ he thought.

Zelda, now lying on the ground, grabbed his cock and brought it towards her dripping sex. _'At least one of us knows what we're doing,'_ he thought. He was snapped out of his thoughts as she slid the tip into her. _'Oh yeah, the sex,'_ he reminded himself.

He pushed in, destroying her barrier. She screamed, and clutched onto him. He kissed her to distract her until the pain subsided. Then, switching so she was on top, she began to move up and down on his pork sword. With each movement, Link felt his pleasure building. He began to thrust in tempo with her riding. He knew he would not be able to hold out much longer, and he felt a great pressure building up in his loins. As her moans grew louder, they drove him on and turned him on. Then, with a loud scream, a bolt of electricity tore through her body, and she arched her back as she exploded with pleasure. He came shortly thereafter, releasing his seed into her.

She kissed him again. "Can you still go?" she inquired. He could feel his dick in her, still hard, and he was not satisfied. He nodded. He then flipped so she was on her back, and he groped her boobs as he thrust into her. He drove into her, pushing his entire length in down to the hilt.

"Oh Link, you're amazing," she moaned. He than began kissing her on her neck and chest, leaving trails of fire wherever he touched her. Her body was on fire, and she could feel her orgasm approaching as he pumped in and out of her.

"Oh..oh...OH... LINK!" She came hard as she screamed his name, and then she passed out from the pleasure.

But now, Link was left with a dilemma. He wasn't sure what to do. He didn't know whether he should wait for her to wake up or not. And also, he was still horny, and he didn't feel like screwing someone who was asleep. He made up his mind. _'I'll leave her and go hang out in Kakariko until she wakes up.'_ He then picked her up, and carrying her bridal style, laid her down on the floor of the temple of time.

Later that day

It was getting dark when he reached Kakariko. As he walked through the village, he spotted a young woman. he recognized her as the young woman whose cuccos he had found as a kid. He strode with purpose towards her.

She was a skinny girl with a beautiful face, framed by long brunette curls. But her body was what really made Link's appendage move. A perfect hourglass figure, with voluptuous breasts and wide, full hips.

"Hi," she said. "I've grown a new breed of cucco that doesn't give me allergies! It's called a pocket cucco. Want to see?" But Link had a slightly different agenda in mind. _'I've got a 'pocket cucco' as well,'_ he thought. He grabbed her wrists and pressed her against the wall. His motive became evident when she felt his member pressing against her. "Settle down, big guy. After all, we can't have you doing me out here in public," She then began to lead him to her house and led him inside.

Once inside, he did't hesitate before claiming her lips for a kiss. He forced his tongue in her mouth where it battled with her own. "Very nice," she said when they had parted. "But how's the rest of you?" She then pulled down his leggings. "Geezus! You're not playing around are you? You're gonna split me in two with this thing!" Link wanted to immediately fuck her brains out, but she stopped him.

"Calm down, horse-dick, we got all the time in the world," she said seductively. After removing her clothes, she knelt and took his heat-seeking mayonnaise launcher in her mouth. At first, she teased the tip of his cock with her tongue, flicking it over the glans and meatus.

Then, he gasped as she deep-throated his entire cock(no easy feat, mind you), and and began sucking it down to the base. The pleasure was unreal, unlike anything he had ever felt. He grabbed her head by her soft brown hair and forced her head up and down the length of his cock. When he felt his release coming, he pulled her head down on her cock as he jizzed into her mouth.

To his surprise, she swallowed all of his cum, and said, "Mmm, you taste good!" She then pressed her lips to hid, and he began to finger her vag.

Link couldn't take it anymore. He picked her up, and impaled her on his meat stick. Gripping her ass tight, he brought her up and down on his cock like a sex toy. With his vaginal submarine, he knocked at the door of her womb and hit her g-spot, bringing he to a crashing orgasm. As she screamed, she arched her back and writhed around on his one-eyed trouser snake.

She was pleasantly surprised, however, to find that he wasn't done with her. Even as her juices were leaking out, he pressed her up against the wall, and continued to gyrate into her until, with a groan of pleasure, he shook a hot white coconut from his veiny love tree.

"Oh fuck that was good," she said. But then, she gave out a yelp of surprise as he flipped her over, and gripping her boobs from behind, he stuck his pussy drill into her cunt. She was exhausted, and she moaned as she felt fire spread through her. With one final powerful thrust, he brought them both to climax.

Then, she passed out, much the same as Zelda before her.

_'Oops. I should probably stop doing that,'_ he meditated. _'Oh shit, I'm still horny. And the only other things with vaginas in this dump are fat chicks. Where's somewhere with a ready supply of orifices to penetrate? Oh yeah, duh! The gerudos! Besides, I'm still pissed at them for locking me up.'_

With this new revelation, he put his tunic back on, and left the house.

As he rode on Epona, his raging boner made it difficult to steer the horse. But the thought of getting some ass drove him on.

eventually, he came to a halt before the entrance to gerudo Fortress. There were two sentries standing guard. One of them called to him. "Halt! What business do you have in the Domain of the Gerudo?" Link simply drew his sword in response. The two sentries brandished their glaives and came at him.

One stabbed at him while the other swung horizontally at him. He parried the thrust with his sword while blocking the the other fearsome weapon with his shield. He proceeded to press his attack with his sword and defending against the other gerudo with his shield. Then, he charged up energy in his sword and released it in a blinding whirl of steel. When they backed off, he used the distraction to his advantage and jumped and flipped over one of the gerudo. Once he landed behind her, he easily disarmed her and held his sword to her throat. He then whipped out his hookshot and shot it at the other gerudo. It wrapped around her polearm and he wrenched it from her grasp.

Gerudos, as it is well known, are reknowned for their fighting prowess. However, they are also known for being among the most attractive of Hyrule's races. And these two were no exception. They possessed thick thighs, callipygian asses, fiery red hair, tanned skin, as well as ample breasts barely contained in their desert garb. Link looked them over lustfully.

He then turned his attention to the other gerudo in his arms. She had tried to escape his hold, but he was too strong. And besides, she felt a growing hardness in her backside that made it difficult to concentrate. While still threatening the other with his hookshot, he sheathed his sword and shoved his hand into her moist sex. She instantly moaned. Though she hated to admit it, she was turned on by the thought of a man that could best her in a fight and physically dominate her.

The other gerudo, too, it seemed, was hypnotized in the same way by the enigmatic Link. she began walking towards him in a slow sultry way, seductively swaying her hips. Link remained wary, until she pressed her lips to his, sticking her tongue aggressively into his mouth and battling for dominance with his. He reached around and grabbed her ass from behind. While she occupied herself with Link's mouth, the other gerudo maneuvered herself so she was now bent down, kneeling in front of Link. She pulled down his leggings and his phallus stood up proudly. She shoved its entire length in her mouth without hestitating.

Meanwhile, Link got down on the ground, with one girl sucking his bishop and cradling his balls while the other sat on his chest while he grabbed her breasts and claimed her mouth. After a while, he bucked, and came all over the first girl. Then, the girls switched places. The first girl sat on Link's face while he ate her out, and the other played 'hide the hot dog in the bun' with him. Then, the two girls started kissing on top of him. Link was nom nomming on the gerudo's pussy juices when she screamed and coated his face in her lady liquids. The other arched her back and screamed, caught in the throes of passion.

He then flipped them over, and fucked one of them while fingering the other. He felt his own balls tighten until his man sauce exploded out for the umpteenth time that day. The two girls screamed one last time, and came.

Link then heard the sound of running footsteps, and he rose and began to put his clothes on. Even as he mounted his horse, the girls tried to follow him, but he rode off in a hurry, leaving them behind.

An absurdly large-breasted woman came to the entrance. "What the hell is this?" she yelled as others joined her. She looked around, taking stock of the girls, and the location of their clothes and sighed, exasperated, "Not again."

Link rode triumphantly across Hyrule, wondering what to do next. He looked back on his various sexcapades, and realized with dissatisfaction something horrible.

He _still_ had a boner.

Unsure of what to do now, he sat on Epona, deep in thought. As he thought, Epona began to wander. He wasn't paying attention, and before he knew it, Epona had brought him to the one place he had avoided for some time. He had only been here once after his memorable first visit, and that was whaen he stole Epona. After that, he had avoided it like the plague.

Lon Lon Ranch stood before him, tall and foreboding in all its glory. Normally, his brain would have told him to skedaddle away, but today he was thinking with a slightly different appendage.

Link rode into the ranch, and almost immediately he could hear screams and loud grunts coming from the barn. _'Damn, they're loud,'_ he thought to himself. He approached the barn doors, still riding on Epona.

Rearing his horse, he kicked down the door and burst in. He was not surprised to see Malon and Ingo doing the horizontal happy dance in the hay. Ingo's eyes went wide as he seethed in anger.

"Boy, what do you think you're doing? And is that my best horse you've stolen? Ima ****** **** you up and **** down your ***** *** and **** with a ***** while you **** upside-down ***** in a bucket of **** ** **** ***** ***** your mother **** with twinrova's sweaty *** **** ** **** ***** and a factory of ***** *** toads."

But Link wasn't fazed by this colorful language at all, and he simply dismounted. Ingo grabbed a nearby pitchfork and charged Link. And while he could have drawn steel against Ingo, he didn't because hey, when you're the Hero of Time, you're kinda badass like that.

Anyway, Ingo charged Link while trying to stab him. Link neatly sidestepped, then grabbed the front of the pitchfork and tripped Ingo. Ingo got up and began trying to hit Link with his bare fists. But Link just punched him in the nose, staggering him and sending him back. Link whipped out his hookshot and shot it into Ingo's shoulder. Link pulled Ingo to him while Ingo tried a new tactic- attacking Link's fist with his face. However, this proved to be ineffective as Ingo was sent flying out the door.

Link walked over to him and stuck a few bombchus up Ingo's ass before locking him outside. Malon, meanwhile, sat huddled in the corner, afraid of the fearsome but well-hung warrior in front of her. Link stripped down and stood before her in all his glory.

"Holy **** on a **** sandwich," she said before he began to approach her. "Wait, you can't do this! And what about Ingo?" she protested. There was an audible _boom_ from outside. "Ah my ass!" Ingo yelled. _'He'll be fine... probably,'_ Link thought to himself.

Malon was still trying unsuccessfully to look for something large enough to cover her breasts with. But before she could find anything, Link closed the distance between them and shoved his baby maker in her mouth. She gagged, but he only stuck it in further. He grabbed her tits and pushed them around his cock, sliding it through the crevasse created by them..

When he finally came, she began coughing and choking on his cum as it came out her nose and mouth and spilled all over her. He then held her up and tried to stab her with his pen15. But, she was too tight, and he could barely get the tip in.

He continued to try to force his way in, but when Malon finally regained her voice, she yelled, "You stupid fuck! Can't you see it won't fit? You're too big!" But, he proved her wrong when he finally got his penis in. He slammed it in, practically destroying her g spot and making her cum immediately. As she screamed, he continued to drill into her with his manhood. She came again arching her back and shuddering around the monstrosity she was impaled by.

By this point, she was screaming in pain. Even as he pumped into her roughly, she pleaded, "Ow, Fuck! Pl-please, I'm s-s-sorry! Please sl-slow d-down!" All af a sudden, he stopped, standing there, with his arm at his sides, supporting her weight on his man-muscle. He was going to torture her. "No, please, fuck me," she wailed. "I'm sorry for being a bitch. Your dick is so muck bigger then Ingo's, I want you to fuck my brains out."

Link hesitated to appear as if he was pondering. As if there was a choice anyway. He then resumed his fucking her, but more gently. He orgasmed into her, naturally lubricating her fuckhole and making it easier on her. He groped her boobs and sucked on them, bringing her to climax yet again. He brought her to eight more orgasms before his dick started to show signs of softening, and then gave her two more for good measure.

When he finished, he walked outside. He stopped at the farmhouse on his way out, and opened the door. Therein he saw Ingo trying to bandage himself and nurse his wound. Link pulled out his hookshot and fired it at Ingo's balls because fuck that guy. Link walked back outside, sniffing the air. "All is right with the world," he said, and rode off into the sunset

**THE END?**

**So, uh, yeah. First story. Review and all that. I feel kind of ashamed that I wrote this, but whatev. I was horny.**


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